


Fucking Haunted

by academy_x



Category: Thrilling Intent (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Ghosts, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Gen, Some Swearing, humour (hopefully)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-04
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-11-09 03:20:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11095797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/academy_x/pseuds/academy_x
Summary: Ashe isn't sure what she expected from a couple of self proclaimed ghost experts, but this definitely isn't it."So can you get rid of it?" Ashe asks.Inien shrugs and says, "Probably. Banishments are kinda tricky-""Most definitely!" Markus interrupts her. "Most definitely probably..."





	Fucking Haunted

**Author's Note:**

> my first ti fic!! : )))) hope you'll enjoy, i had fun writing it

Ashe double-checks the address before ringing the entry phone. She can't imagine anything more embarrassing than pressing the wrong button and having to explain to some strangers who she's actually looking for.

"Hello?" A man's voice comes out of the speaker, slightly distorted.

"I'm here for the... supernatural specialists," Ashe says, whispering that last bit. God, she feels ridiculous.

"Sure, that's us. Come on up, our office is on the third floor," the man says.

The door clicks, as the man buzzes her in. Ashe pushes it open. Inside, it's a normal apartment building. It looks residential, not full of office spaces. It has no elevator. She takes the stairs two steps at a time. When she stands in front of the door, she is winded and has to pause and catch her breath for a few minutes. Her cheeks are still tinged red as she knocks on the door.

It's opened with a flourish by the man who answered the entry phone. He grins at her. He's got longish blonde hair, and his black jeans are so tight that Ashe is genuinely worried about his blood flow.

"Markus Velafi!" he introduces himself.

"Ashe," she replies, and they shake hands. Markus has soft skin and a surprisingly firm grip. His nails are well-manicured with french tips. Ashe glances selfconsciously at her own nails, with dirt crusted under them. Markus doesn't appear to notice.

Markus guides her to a couch arrangement and asks if he can get her something. Ashe asks for coffee, and he dissappears through a curtain of beads into what's probably the kitchen. Ashe takes the opportunity to inspect the _"office"_ further. There's a desk with an old stationary computer in one corner, and several packed bookcases that contain both new books with glossy covers and what can only described as tomes, possibly full of arcane knowledge. They're all stuffed next to each other in no apparent order. There's also a large flatscreen tv with an old playstation hooked up. If Ashe had to guess, she would say this office doubles as a living room. Extremely professional.

Her assumptions are further confirmed when Markus, carrying coffee, returns with a woman in tow. Said woman is barefoot and wearing sweatpants that might once have been purple. She introduces herself as Inien, and as Ashe shakes her hand, they somehow end up in a squeezing match, that Ashe would like to think she wins. Both their hands are red and sore afterwards.

"So why are you here?" Markus asks, setting the cups of coffee on the table and then setting himself on the couch.

"What do you think? I'm fucking haunted," Ashe says.

"Well, we here at Supernatural Specialists Inc deal with a diverse range of situations including but not limited to hauntings, poltergeists, demonic possesion, cursed items and leprechauns," Markus says.

"We also sell haunted dolls," Inien adds.

Ashe groans. She nearly bolts then and there. These are the people who're supposed to help her. She's fucked. But as she's already come this far, she might as well explain herself. Just in case they are slightly more competent than they seem. To steel herself, she first takes a big sip of coffee. The liquid is bitter and scaldingly hot. It burns down her throat. Ashe gags a little.

"Careful, that's hot!" Markus says, far too late.

"Markus' coffee is a bit of an acquired taste," Inien comments and happily takes a sip.

Ashe coughs weakly before speaking, "So it began about four years ago. One day after work I really wanted, no– _needed_ a drink, so I found a bar, and the bartender, I later learned his name was Old Inny, greeted me by name, Aesling, which hardly anyone knows because I just tell them to call me Ashe, and he served me a drink which tasted like acetone, but at the time I hardly cared. I was so fucking tired I didn't even realize he shouldn't know my name, I'd never met him.

Anyways I kept showing up at the bar for some reason, and he kept greeting me and serving me shitty drinks. And sure he's a little weird and always wearing the same sort of old-fashioned out of style clothes, but I figured he's just old.

Then one day, going out with a friend for drinks, he was there. In a different bar. With the same old 'Hey Aesling' shtick. My friend could see him, but most of the other patrons clearly couldn't because they looked at me strangely, when I jumped at the sight of him, and the bartender was quite confused when I received a drink seemingly out of midair.

It's only gotten worse since then. Any place that serves alcohol. Any room with a bar in it. Any party. The wine section of the supermarket. My own fucking apartment multiple times. He's there. Greeting me in his shrill old man voice. If I have to hear him speak my name once more, I swear I'll fucking– I really don't know what I'll do do. I haven't had a drop of alcohol in six months because it makes him show up, and even if I pour myself a nice glass of red wine, it turns into his shitty homebrew served from a bucket that hasn't been washed in at least a year."

Markus looks oddly touched at Ashe's sad tale, especially that last bit about not being able to drink wine. Inien on the other hand is cackling. Ashe glares at her menacingly, which if not make her stop, at least makes her snicker quietly into her hand.

"Well! That's something... It's as I always say, there's no such thing as a typical ghost," Markus says.

"So can you get rid of it?" Ashe asks.

Inien shrugs and says, "Probably. Banishments are kinda tricky-"

"Most definitely!" Markus interrupts her. "Most definitely probably..."

Markus stands up with a speed that nearly startles Ashe. He kneels on the floor and begins rolling up the rug lying upon it. It's a pretty nice rug, Ashe notices.

"Now if you'll sit down here, Ashe, then I'll just get the..." Markus trails off.

He pulls out a toolbox from a closet and begins searching for something in it. Instead of being filled with screws and tools, it is full of crystals, dried herbs and worringly enough what appears to be bones. At least they're too small to be human.

Ashe sits gingerly on the floor, legs crossed. She's a little freaked out with how fast this is going. She'd figured this would only be a consultation. Inien must sense her worries because she sends Ashe a lazy thumbs up. Somehow this does not reassure Ashe.

Inien snatches a sharpie from a glass full of them on the table. She fiddles with it a little bit, then stands up and walks over to Ashe, crouching next to her. Inien pops off the sharpie cap and grabs Ashe's arm. Ashe yelps and yanks her arm away.

"Geez, relax," Inien says. "I'm just gonna draw some sigils on you so your soul don't accidentally get pulled into limbo or something..."

"Fine." Ashe says, through gritted teeth.

The sharpie tickles on Ashe's skin. Her hairs stand on end. Inien moves it painfully slow, taking great care in her drawing. Ashe gets the feeling Inien is working slowly on purpose. She shoots Inien a glare. The sigils themselves are beautiful, even if they're done in hot pink sharpie. Ashe thinks, she recognizes a couple of the symbols, but most of them are foreign to her. One of the symbols looks suspiciosly like a butt farting, but Inien assures her it's an ancient rune and absolutely necessary to the process. Ashe is ninety-eight percent sure she is lying.

When Inien is done, Ashe inspects her handiwork. Her arms are nearly covered in pink scribbles, though not on her tattoos she notices. It looks pretty cool. Inien smiles smugly.

"By the way what do your tattoos mean?" Inien asks.

"Why should I tell you?" Ashe says, perhaps a bit more harshly than the innocent question merrited.

"Because the design seems supernatural as fuck, so I'm kinda curious," Inien says.

Ashe's eyes widen at this. She had no idea. Dread fills her. She shoves the feeling away to deal with later. One problem at a time. Inien looks at her expectantly, but Ashe remain silent, tightlipped.

Markus interrupts the tense situation by shooing Inien away and then sprinkling something on the floor, creating a circle around Ashe. Upon further inspection, Ashe is pretty sure what he's sprinkling is plain old table salt mixed with glitter. It certainly sparkles. Ashe snorts.

Markus claps his hands and says, "Alright! We're about ready to start, circle's done. Sigils're looking good too, Inien, though I still think you should've used sheep's blood. We've got some in the fridge, and it's just more traditional."

"Sharpie works just as well, and I'm saving that blood for something special," Inien says. "But yeah, we can start."

The three of them wait for some minutes in silence. Nothing happens.

"Oh, right! We need to actually summon what was it- Old Inny?" Markus suddenly says. "Whoops."

Inien fishes a flask from her pocket and tosses it at Ashe, perhaps a little harder than warranted. Ashe still manages to catch it. She looks at Inien, her brow furrowing. She isn't sure whether to be worried or impressed that this woman carries alcohol on her person, presumably at all times.

"Just drink and he'll appear, right?" Inien asks.

Ashe nods and takes a swig.

The room fills with the smell of old man and gasoline. Old Inny appears.

"Ahh, Aesling! I've got the Old Inny special right here for you," Old Inny says, pulling a cup full of brown sloshing liquid from nowhere. He tries to hand it to Ashe, but the circle stops him. He looks confused.

"Now, sir! Sir!" Markus says, tapping Old Inny insistently on the shoulder.

Old Inny turns to Markus, eyes lighting up in apparent recognition, and says, "Hello Aesling, good to see you again. What can Old Inny get for you today?"

Markus starts speaking in what might be latin. Ashe honestly has no idea. It appears to have no effect on Old Inny who continues offering Markus a drink and speaking to him as if he were Ashe. Markus at last stops speaking. He looks close to tearing at his hair. Instead he grabs the cup that Old Inny is holding out. He downs it in one swig and tosses it at the floor. The cup shatters and vanishes into thin air.

"Oh wow. That is vile," Markus says, tears streaming down his face. He coughs.

Old Inny is already holding another cup of liquor. Markus spins him around so he faces Inien who so far has been observing the proceedings and laughing her ass off. Old Inny immediately greets Inien as where she Ashe. Inien doesn't say a word, only looks at Old Inny. He begins to glow. Sweat rolls down Inien's forehead. Old Inny keeps muttering, as he begins fading out of existence. Then Inien's concentration shatters, and Old Inny becomes fully corporeal again.

"Okay, so this might be a little harder than I expected," Markus says.

"No shit," Inien says, still short of breath.

Ashe glances nervously from one to the other. She takes another swig from the flask Inien tossed her. It's low quality bourbon, but it hasn't turned into the Old Inny special so that's something at least.

For nearly half an hour, Markus and Inien try and fail to banish Old Inny, growing increasingly frustrated in the process. They stalk to and from the bookcase, pulling out books and then discarding them on the floor when they prove useless. Markus sprinkles at least ten different herb mixtures around Old Inny. Inien draws runes in the air and sings in a language Ashe doesn't recognize. All to no avail.

At one point Inien chucks a crystal at him. It doesn't accomplish shit, but it makes Ashe laugh.

Old Inny keeps offering drinks and calling all three of them Aesling. Somehow he can keep talking for ever, despite only appearing to know ten stock phrases.

When Old Inny offers Inien a drink so violently that it sploshes her in the face, Inien explodes.

"Okay, that is it, old man! You are leaving right the fuck now," she screams.

Inien decks him in the face. Old Inny vanishes with a pop and an ominous and distinctly supernatural crackle.

"Fuck, that was satisfying," Inien says, grinning. Ashe can't help but grin with her.

"If I'd known that would work, I would have done it years ago," Ashe says.

"I'm afraid it isn't quite that simple. You'd need the gift like me for it to work and a bunch of rage," Inien says, looking thoughtfully at Ashe. "You definitely have enough rage actually."

"Besides it isn't a permanent solution, he'll probably come back in a couple of months," Markus interjects. "But you can just come back here when that happens, and hopefully we'll have figured out how to banish him for ever."

"Or I can just punch him again," Inien adds.

"I'm just glad he's gone," Ashe says. She stands up and stretches. Her legs ache a little from being stuck in one position for so long. "I can leave the circle now, right?"

Markus nods, then goes off to retrieve a mini-vacuum cleaner. It sucks up the salt and scattered bits of herb. Inien starts picking up some of the books scattered on the floor. She yawns. Ashe finds her wallet and begins out counting bills. She puts them on the coffee table.

"So I think that's what I owe you," Ashe says. "I'll just go now."

"Or you could stay? We're just going to chill and play mariokart," Markus says.

"You have a playstation," Ashe says.

"It's cursed," Inien explains.

Ashe groans. She really hates this supernatural bullshit.

"You don't even know me, why do you want to hang out with me?" Ashe asks.

"You'd be surprised at how many of our friends are former clients," Markus says. "Besides you seem nice."

Ashe considers this, then says, "Alright sure, I'll stay. You seem pretty nice too, Markus. Inien, the jury's still out on you."

**Author's Note:**

> a small note on ashe's tattoos: she got them to honor her mother who had the exact same tattoos and died when ashe was born. ashe just handed the tattoo artist a couple of photos of her mom and told them to copy. is inien correct in assuming they are supernatural as fuck? who knows??


End file.
